Again, it’s been a while.
Again, it’s been a while.
when he finally shows you his penis:
That’d be disappointing actually….
Whenever I seek to share my inner-dialogues about my body, I get real anxious— an anxiety rooted in my expectations of other’s reactions towards my body image struggles. Consequence to my body coinciding with the well-regulated images of harmful body types, I grew up feeling and thinking like a “fat kid.” Taking off shirts, running, eating too much in front of others— simple matters turned challenges because of the body negativity I internalized and then perpetuated throughout my life, regardless of how I looked then and now. I admit that in the past two years, a large part of my efforts has gone towards transforming my body; the fuel for this change being both aspiration and self-hatred. And just like bad fuel makes for bad exhaust fumes, what more can I say that my motivations have corrupted my blankly considered “healthy” habits.
So just like the pedestaling of a single body image wreaks havoc on those outside of it, it can also be destructive for those within it— the assumption that fat is unhappy is foiled by slim is happy; yet when slim grew up fat and convincingly unhappy, what then does this assumption do other than erase my psychological struggles? But if I dare speak aloud about them, I fear that I’d get crazy looks and people telling me, “What do you have to be unhappy about? Just shut up and smile.” What right do I have to claim negative body image, as a man that inhabits body norms?
For as well discussed as female body image is, the male body also suffers from the internalization of societal pressures and from the dehumanization of it as a perpetrator of patriarchy. There are just as many backwards and reductive body ideals set in front of men and ,while not all men may vocalize, it’s hella confusing too.
But I’ve started to take steps and talk to my friends about this over the past couple of weeks. Yet it still scares me how reluctant people are towards giving me hard advice. Sure I look great, but if I can’t go to the d-hall because I freak out not knowing the nutritional content of food, go a day without exercising, or can’t handle my emotions after a food binge slip-up… is that still great?
I’ll try to end this positively:
As a guy with obsessive health habits that come from life-long body image problems, it makes me feel better sometimes to look back through my nude blog and notice the change in my body sometimes. Or to only look at myself in the mirror when I know I feel good about myself. And maybe I’m just ballooning it out of proportion and this is not even a valid problem at all, but, still, shit sucks yo. We should talk about it.
I know that I have been gone for a while, but here is a post from my other blog that I think is relevant here. I know many of you may not care for a non-penis related text post, but I still think that male body image is a problem.
shorty on the cute side.